Miss MleJane is living someone else's life.

Yesterday while talking with a friend I realized that all my childhood til present I denied my own life to live for my parents, to please them and not give them the grief I had previously observed them to suffer. And in most accounts this action cause a kind of death to the life I may have wanted to live forming the self-sacrificing self that has now become who I am today. Yet not only that, but now at present that very self that I once denied has become the very self that I have to deny today.

It's like things have turned inside-out.

Under the law I once lived not barely living, and now under grace I must die once again, not living the life that was built by living according to the law for that life is not Christ, but I. And henceforth it's end must be seen in order that it become: not I, but Christ that lives in me.